Argh!

[gothams3rdrobin]

Got a phonecall from my Mam a little while ago, asking me to bring over my phone charger when I go collect Rowan, as she can't find the one for hers which is the same model. (They were cheap and it's her back-up phone)

Okay, says I, and hangs up, momentarily wondering why she was at home this afternoon. She then calls me back a minute or two later to explain that the reason she needs the charger is that Grampy had a bad night and the doctors called Nan in. Mam and Dad have been at the hospital with them all day, and they might need to go back in. Mam wants the phone for Dad to keep in touch with her, as he doesn't have his own.

The reason they didn't call me this morning to let me know, apparently, is because of Rowan having football and going to see his other grandparents this afternoon. I guess the hospital is somewhat of a bear to get to and back, but...

Mam told me that Grampy's heart has been giving him trouble, and his condition's been up and down like a yo-yo so the doctors are concerned. She reckons there's nothing to indicate that this is it, but sometimes I wonder if they've all be sheltering me this past year. It's true I don't want to 'deal' with the fact I'm slowly losing my only remaining grandfather, and I certainly don't want us all sitting around his bed waiting for him to go, but still I wonder.

*sigh* I was having a good day, messing around with my editing software....

Comments

[phoebesmum.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear it. The waiting is actually (I found with my father) the worst thing. I hope that your grandfather makes a recovery but, if not, that everything is as peaceful and painless as can be, for everyone concerned.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

I got another call while waiting at Mam's for Rowan - they'd gone back out to the hospital. They've taken him off everything and they don't think he's gonna be with us much longer.

They're now all gathered 'waiting to see what happens' and I'm to be kept informed, since I have to look after Rowan. In a way I'm grateful as it's the last place I want to be. I just hope Nan doesn't take offence.

[phoebesmum.livejournal.com]

That's a shame. Lots of hugs - {{{}}}.

You couldn't possibly take Rowan to the hospital, so you can't do anything but stay home - I hope everyone understands that. Truthfully, there's not much point in clustering around a deathbed in any case, but we still do it, out of habit, I suppose.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

Thanks, greatly appreciated *snugs back*

It's true, I can't. Hopefully Nan'll keep enough of her wits about her to understand that. I could probably have asked his Dad to keep him a little longer, but, um. No.

Besides, I need someone I can actually physically hug, right about now.

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. *hugs* Give Rowan a great big hug and snuggle down.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

Done, believe me. First thing I did when he got back, and I'd gotten rid of his father, was to ask him for a hug and weep on his shoulder. Managed to hold myself together again since, but who knows.

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

*nods* I hate crying in front of the girls. They want to know what's wrong and if there's something they can do. Saying "no" always hurts as much as the sorrow that I started with. Hang in there. Anything I can do, please let me know.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

I'm not all that bothered about crying in front of him, per se. He does come up and lean against me, asking what's the matter, and sometimes that helps me to get a grip.

The hard thing was trying to explain why I was crying and needed a hug; he understands death as well as any six-year-old, but the concept of someone being in the process of dying? I don't think he'd get it. Especially someone he was only visiting with yesterday, and was showing him all the tricks his 'magic' hospital bed could do. Gramp was having a pretty bad day yesterday, but apparently our arrival perked him up; he messed around with his bed's controls to get Rowan past his natural anxiety about being near a very sick old person. It worked too!

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

*smiles* That was really sweet of him.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

*nods* He dotes on the two of us - always has. Of course, we are his only blood-related grandchildren.

He told the doctor on thursday night that I was the daughter he'd wanted, but not been able to have.

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

I'm gunna try not to cry now. My grandfather said the same thing about me. He had three boys and no daughters.

*big hugs*

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

*snugs you close*

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

Why do you have to be an ocean away from here? It's no fair.

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie, you have no idea...

Mam just called again to let me know he's sleeping quietly at the moment. She told me to be grateful I got to see him yesterday, while he was lucid, as there's no way I would have wanted to see him today.

[yellowseptember.livejournal.com]

God sometimes answers prayers in strange ways, doesn't He?

*more hugs*

[gothams3rdrobin.livejournal.com]

Yeah. At least if he goes tonight, I'll have a decent enough last memory of him.

I would have liked the same to be true of my maternal grandfather, who died on my nephew Shane's sixteenth birthday. My last living memory of him was the Boxing Day two months previously, when he'd been in obvious pain, but was joking with me. Instead, the last thing I'll ever remember of him is the family stood around his body in the hospital room - I had no idea he'd still be in there, and fled as soon as I could.