gothams3rdrobin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gothams3rdrobin) wrote2006-03-25 08:29 pm
gothams3rdrobin) wrote2006-03-25 08:29 pm
What is this thing they call 'sleep'?
Ever since I was little, I've had a hard time getting to sleep. I would go to bed at a reasonable enough hour, but I would lie there for hours and my brain would just not shut off enough for me to sleep. I'd think about the things I'd done recently, or things I needed to do...all the things they reckon your brain uses dreams for. So I would read for as long as I could, or put the radio on to timer, though it didn't help all that much.
Falling asleep has actually been easier since Rowan arrived - more than anything because I had to sleep, and I was so tired I'd be gone not long after my head hit the pillow. But the quality of my sleep changed, 'cause I was constantly listening out for the little person asleep across the room from me.
Right now, my problem is actually getting myself into bed in the first place. I spend my evenings messing around on the computer - I'm something of a net-addict, plus there's the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
jla_watchtower - and I can usually be found reading fanfiction when I'm not posting in the RPG or doing something in my capacity as a moderator. It is so easy to get caught up in fanfic that even when I can barely keep my eyes open I just cannot turn the computer off...I just keep clicking at the next fic. Most especially when I haven't been having a good day/week/month/year and I just want to be entertained, forget all about it. That's when I tend to stay online till about two in the morning, struggling out of bed at eight to rush through the morning routine.
I really, really wish I could get some sleep. It's been like that for well over a fortnight now. I know, I should be stronger, turn the damn thing off by eleven. But I just can't.
At the moment, I'm reading 'due South' fanfic almost exclusively. The quality of the stories are nothing in comparison to 'Sports Night', for the most part, but it has the advantage of being stuff I haven't already read at least ten times. I'm also watching several episodes a night, refreshing my memory, which has been nice.
In other news, we've lost another couple of people off my team at work. One of the supervisors, Aaron, left last week, Rebekah left to join the police force this week, and Jen - the only other person left from my intake - has taken a career break to go do some volunteer work at a local school. I'm really pleased for Beki, as she's finally getting to do what she's wanted for ages; she was gonna join the force at least a year ago, but she was in a very nasty car crash. She got sideswiped by a driver who'd slipped into a diabetic coma, and they say if she hadn't been driving a very robust, almost off-road capable vehicle, she wouldn't have come out of it alive. As it is, she has pins in her wrist and leg, and still limps sometimes but she has managed to meet the physical requirements.
Had to stay home from work again yesterday to wait in for a council inspector to check out those damp patches on the bathroom wall. He's stumped as to what's causing them, so he's placing a work order to come and inspect the pipes in the corner that've been boxed in, but he said that the white stuff around the edge of the damp areas is just salt. Effervesence, or something. At least it's not something fungal. Gonna be about a month before they come out again though, knowing the way it goes with these stupid deadlines they set themselves.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day here in the UK, so I've been bringing home little things all week that Rowan's made me in nursery. Plus he gave me some flowers, a card and a Terry's Chocolate Orange that my mother took him shopping for yesterday. He told me last night what he'd got - but then, can you really expect a four year old to keep a secret? *grins* He's gonna be home with me tomrrow, instead of going to see his Dad and grandparents - not sure what we're gonna do yet. Last year I took him to the pictures, so we might do something similar again. Though Mam and Dad are expecting us for dinner tomorrow night.
We went into Barry this afternoon to visit my paternal grandparents - partly due to Mother's Day, and also because my Great-Aunt Nancy, Grampy's sister, died mid-week. Naturally I'm sad about this, but she was in her eighties and hadn't been well for a long time. It's not exactly unexpected. I know that sounds callous, but I guess I don't have a good way to deal with death so I just block it out. I hate when Mam tells me about work colleagues who have family that have died or are dying, 'cause it's just not a topic I'm comfortable with. The last time I cried over a death in the family was my maternal grandfather two years ago last month, and that surprised me as he had cancer and we'd known for years that we only had him on loan, as it were. And he and I weren't even especially close - I think I probably miss my cat more than I miss him. I know I'm still grieving over losing Tammie three years ago.
God, that really sounds callous, doesn't it.
I can't go to Aunty Nancy's funeral, even if I wanted to, as it's gonna be in Bromsgrove, on the outskirts of Birmingham, and I'd have no-one to take care of Rowan.
Meh...gonna stop now before I depress myself even further.
Falling asleep has actually been easier since Rowan arrived - more than anything because I had to sleep, and I was so tired I'd be gone not long after my head hit the pillow. But the quality of my sleep changed, 'cause I was constantly listening out for the little person asleep across the room from me.
Right now, my problem is actually getting myself into bed in the first place. I spend my evenings messing around on the computer - I'm something of a net-addict, plus there's the
jla_watchtower - and I can usually be found reading fanfiction when I'm not posting in the RPG or doing something in my capacity as a moderator. It is so easy to get caught up in fanfic that even when I can barely keep my eyes open I just cannot turn the computer off...I just keep clicking at the next fic. Most especially when I haven't been having a good day/week/month/year and I just want to be entertained, forget all about it. That's when I tend to stay online till about two in the morning, struggling out of bed at eight to rush through the morning routine.I really, really wish I could get some sleep. It's been like that for well over a fortnight now. I know, I should be stronger, turn the damn thing off by eleven. But I just can't.
At the moment, I'm reading 'due South' fanfic almost exclusively. The quality of the stories are nothing in comparison to 'Sports Night', for the most part, but it has the advantage of being stuff I haven't already read at least ten times. I'm also watching several episodes a night, refreshing my memory, which has been nice.
In other news, we've lost another couple of people off my team at work. One of the supervisors, Aaron, left last week, Rebekah left to join the police force this week, and Jen - the only other person left from my intake - has taken a career break to go do some volunteer work at a local school. I'm really pleased for Beki, as she's finally getting to do what she's wanted for ages; she was gonna join the force at least a year ago, but she was in a very nasty car crash. She got sideswiped by a driver who'd slipped into a diabetic coma, and they say if she hadn't been driving a very robust, almost off-road capable vehicle, she wouldn't have come out of it alive. As it is, she has pins in her wrist and leg, and still limps sometimes but she has managed to meet the physical requirements.
Had to stay home from work again yesterday to wait in for a council inspector to check out those damp patches on the bathroom wall. He's stumped as to what's causing them, so he's placing a work order to come and inspect the pipes in the corner that've been boxed in, but he said that the white stuff around the edge of the damp areas is just salt. Effervesence, or something. At least it's not something fungal. Gonna be about a month before they come out again though, knowing the way it goes with these stupid deadlines they set themselves.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day here in the UK, so I've been bringing home little things all week that Rowan's made me in nursery. Plus he gave me some flowers, a card and a Terry's Chocolate Orange that my mother took him shopping for yesterday. He told me last night what he'd got - but then, can you really expect a four year old to keep a secret? *grins* He's gonna be home with me tomrrow, instead of going to see his Dad and grandparents - not sure what we're gonna do yet. Last year I took him to the pictures, so we might do something similar again. Though Mam and Dad are expecting us for dinner tomorrow night.
We went into Barry this afternoon to visit my paternal grandparents - partly due to Mother's Day, and also because my Great-Aunt Nancy, Grampy's sister, died mid-week. Naturally I'm sad about this, but she was in her eighties and hadn't been well for a long time. It's not exactly unexpected. I know that sounds callous, but I guess I don't have a good way to deal with death so I just block it out. I hate when Mam tells me about work colleagues who have family that have died or are dying, 'cause it's just not a topic I'm comfortable with. The last time I cried over a death in the family was my maternal grandfather two years ago last month, and that surprised me as he had cancer and we'd known for years that we only had him on loan, as it were. And he and I weren't even especially close - I think I probably miss my cat more than I miss him. I know I'm still grieving over losing Tammie three years ago.
God, that really sounds callous, doesn't it.
I can't go to Aunty Nancy's funeral, even if I wanted to, as it's gonna be in Bromsgrove, on the outskirts of Birmingham, and I'd have no-one to take care of Rowan.
Meh...gonna stop now before I depress myself even further.